Compulsive skin picking is probably a more common disorder than most people realise. Its a secret condition, often hidden from others. I know this because I hid my condition for ten years through careful chosen clothing. I couldn’t show my back for all this time, it was so heavily scarred. I had tattoos to cover the scarring, but I still pick these areas.
Also known as dermatillomania, or self-harm, there is not much help available for this chronic disabling condition within mental health and the NHS services.
It steals hours of my day. It makes me feel worthless, ugly, undesirable, and sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to have hands.
What happened? Well, I was raped at a house party when I was 19, just after the breakup of my first abusive relationship. He didn’t abuse me physically, just called me ugly, while my friends would ask him ‘why are you going out with her’. Backstabbers! Somehow, I believe that my brain is trying to protect myself by making myself ugly so that rape would not happen to me again. It’s a condition I have had since the age of 19, and I’m now 41.
The wishes that come with compulsive skin picking
I’m sure it’s not just me, but I often have some wishes that I wish were true.
- I wish there was a product that could heal our scabs and scars instantly. Do you know of any. I use isopropyl alcohol 99.9% daily, up to ten times per day, and often more on very stressful days.
- I wish the anxiety would subside.
- I wish that this need for skin perfection would go away, because we with the condition actually believe that if we squeeze all that we need to get out, it will make our skin better. It’s a lie that we continue to believe over and over, when it’s permanently scarring our skin.
- The mental exhaustion would dissipate.
There are a few activities that help me. Gardening, exercise, and cooking, but it’s a fixation issue in my head. I’ve tried medications like Prozac that didn’t work. Counselling didn’t help. Two lots of clinical psychology didn’t help. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) helped somewhat, but the condition returned after seven days of remission. It felt so amazing to be free. SO AMAZING.
Do you suffer with the same condition? What helps you? Has medication helped you? What skincare products do you use to promote healing?
